I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
