I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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