You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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