"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
