Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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