we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
