pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
