Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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