Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
