Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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