So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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