you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
