Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
