I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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