I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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