Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Someone shit on the floor
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
