what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize