Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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