well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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