need another drink. this is the easiest way
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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