i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
