she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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