The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
