go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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