New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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