i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Drake has all the answers
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
