and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
