so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
