had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize