let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
