the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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