mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
