You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
