Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
