she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
