I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
