I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
