i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize