I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
