i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
