Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
