So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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