the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
