Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
