I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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