we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
