Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
