I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
