Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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