Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
