North Korea, Best Korea!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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