I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
