Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
