So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
