the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
