I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
