so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
