I didn't shave. On purpose
i was born a porn star she said
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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