so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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