Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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