I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
