when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
