i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
