Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
