insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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