I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
