the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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