what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
