things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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