all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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