I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
