shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize