She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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