Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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