we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
