haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My vagina just recognized that song.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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