My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
