i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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